She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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