i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
