I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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