youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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