Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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