This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
