Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
