im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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