I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
