I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
