do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
