he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
