Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She needs sedatives and a leash
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm like, not good at living.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
