I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Houston, we have a squirter
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Randomize
