xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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