I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
