That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
