I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
