y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
