i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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