just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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