Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
