I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You're a waste of cheezeits
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
