Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
