If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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