Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
