so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
