And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
