I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
