Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
