I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
