This girl is more easily done than said...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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