I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
