I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
