quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
