doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
