i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
