I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
