i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
