I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
