you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
PANTIES FOUND
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