there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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