Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
