Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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