I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
