i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
