Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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