Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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