Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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