margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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