I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You are the jesus of drinking
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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