Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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