I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
