Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
