if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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